In a bold new chapter of “Are You Even Kidding Right Now,” President Donald Trump has decided that Michael Waltz — the same guy who accidentally added a journalist to a top-secret Signal group chat about a military strike — should now be America’s voice to the United Nations.
Yes, that Michael Waltz. The one who effectively said “Oops, didn’t mean to include the press in our war plans.” The one under intense scrutiny for turning secure communications into a glorified WhatsApp disaster. That guy? He’s now going to explain U.S. diplomacy to the world.
Naturally, Trump broke the news in a statement posted to his own bespoke social media echo chamber, where irony goes to die:
“From his time in uniform on the battlefield, in Congress and, as my National Security Advisor, Mike Waltz has worked hard to put our Nation’s Interests first.”
Apparently, forwarding national security secrets to a reporter now qualifies as “putting our Nation’s Interests first.” Who knew?
But don’t worry — while Waltz packs for Turtle Bay, Secretary of State Marco Rubio will be moonlighting as interim National Security Adviser, because hey, what’s a little nuclear diplomacy between golf rounds? This administration is nothing if not committed to stacking critical roles like a Jenga tower made of ego and chaos.
Trump ended his post with the usual action-movie tagline:
“Together, we will continue to fight tirelessly to Make America, and the World, SAFE AGAIN.”
Ah yes — by appointing the guy who leaked strike plans to a journalist and the senator whose foreign policy plan is mostly aggressive shrugging.
In response to his totally-not-a-reward-for-failing appointment, Waltz tweeted:
“I’m deeply honored to continue my service to President Trump and our great nation.”
Because nothing says honor like almost triggering a diplomatic incident by clicking the wrong contact.
Of course, Waltz still needs to face Senate confirmation, where one can only hope someone — maybe even one with a backbone — will ask the obvious:
“How do you plan to navigate high-level diplomacy when Signal still baffles you?”
But if recent history is any guide, expect a few grandstanding speeches, a couple performative grumbles, and then a 51-49 vote to send the man who thought Signal was a group text party to go chat with Russia, China, and the rest of the world.
Because in America 2025, failing upward is the new patriotism.
