In a bold new chapter of “Are You Even Kidding Right Now,” President Donald Trump has decided that Michael Waltz — the same guy who accidentally added a journalist to a top-secret Signal group chat about a military strike — should now be America’s voice to the United Nations.

Yes, that Michael Waltz. The one who effectively said “Oops, didn’t mean to include the press in our war plans.” The one under intense scrutiny for turning secure communications into a glorified WhatsApp disaster. That guy? He’s now going to explain U.S. diplomacy to the world.

Naturally, Trump broke the news in a statement posted to his own bespoke social media echo chamber, where irony goes to die:

“From his time in uniform on the battlefield, in Congress and, as my National Security Advisor, Mike Waltz has worked hard to put our Nation’s Interests first.”

Apparently, forwarding national security secrets to a reporter now qualifies as “putting our Nation’s Interests first.” Who knew?

But don’t worry — while Waltz packs for Turtle Bay, Secretary of State Marco Rubio will be moonlighting as interim National Security Adviser, because hey, what’s a little nuclear diplomacy between golf rounds? This administration is nothing if not committed to stacking critical roles like a Jenga tower made of ego and chaos.

Trump ended his post with the usual action-movie tagline:

“Together, we will continue to fight tirelessly to Make America, and the World, SAFE AGAIN.”

Ah yes — by appointing the guy who leaked strike plans to a journalist and the senator whose foreign policy plan is mostly aggressive shrugging.

In response to his totally-not-a-reward-for-failing appointment, Waltz tweeted:

“I’m deeply honored to continue my service to President Trump and our great nation.”

Because nothing says honor like almost triggering a diplomatic incident by clicking the wrong contact.

Of course, Waltz still needs to face Senate confirmation, where one can only hope someone — maybe even one with a backbone — will ask the obvious:

“How do you plan to navigate high-level diplomacy when Signal still baffles you?”

But if recent history is any guide, expect a few grandstanding speeches, a couple performative grumbles, and then a 51-49 vote to send the man who thought Signal was a group text party to go chat with Russia, China, and the rest of the world.

Because in America 2025, failing upward is the new patriotism.

The most recent data from 2022 shows that the United Nations employs approximately 37,000 staff across its various organisations globally.

In terms of financial contributions, the United States is the largest donor to the United Nations, contributing more than $18 billion in 2022, which accounted for about one-third of the organisation’s collective budget. This includes both assessed and voluntary contributions. China and Japan follow the U.S. as the second and third most significant contributors.

The top echelon of the United Nations is compensated according to specific guidelines overseen by the International Civil Service Commission (ICSC), which is responsible for ensuring competitive conditions for UN staff.

- Secretary-General Salary: The UN Secretary-General, António Guterres, earns an annual salary of approximately $227,253. Benefits like housing supplement this figure (Guterres resides in a provided townhouse in New York) and diplomatic privileges.

The United Nations Secretary-Genera resides at 3 Sutton Place in Manhattan, New York City. The townhouse was built in 1921 for Anne Morgan and donated to the United Nations in 1972.

Other Senior Officials: Other high-ranking UN officials, such as Under-Secretaries-General and Assistant Secretaries-General, earn between $200,000 and $250,000 annually, depending on their roles and duty stations.

In addition to base salaries, these officials also receive "post adjustments," additional allowances based on the cost of living in their respective duty stations.

Corruption and bribery at the United Nations have been issues of concern over the years, with various scandals highlighting vulnerabilities in the organisation's oversight. One significant case involved John Ashe, a former President of the UN General Assembly, charged in 2015 for his role in a $1.3 million bribery scheme. Ashe solicited and accepted bribes from businesspeople in exchange for advocating their interests within the UN and with senior officials in his home country of Antigua.

Another recurring issue involves sexual misconduct and cover-ups within UN peacekeeping missions and humanitarian operations. Investigations have revealed that some officials used their positions to engage in sexual exploitation or harassment, and there have been cases where these offences were not adequately addressed, leading to a perception of a "culture of corruption".