Well, folks, air travel in America has once again achieved a new level of chaos — this time at the illustrious disaster zone otherwise known as Newark Liberty International Airport.

United Airlines just announced it’s cancelling 35 daily round-trip flights, not because of weather, terrorism, or angry geese, but because air traffic controllers walked off the job after their equipment broke.

Again.

Yes, the radar and radios failed, and the people in charge of keeping airplanes from colliding midair understandably said, “You know what? No.”

Some apparently took trauma leave, which, if you’ve seen the inside of a Newark control tower during peak hours, honestly sounds like the most sensible decision anyone’s made in aviation this year.

United CEO Scott Kirby — a man whose job is to sell optimism while strapped to a flaming jet engine of logistics failure — issued a grave statement on United’s website that basically read: “This airport is a joke, and we can’t keep pretending it’s not.”

“Newark airport cannot handle the number of planes scheduled to operate there,” he lamented, as if that’s a shocking new development and not a known fact to literally every single passenger who’s ever attempted to leave New Jersey by air.

Let’s recap: the tech broke, controllers bailed, flights were diverted, delays stacked up, thousands of passengers were stranded, and the FAA is standing around like it just dropped its flashlight in a cave.

Meanwhile, the FAA, in its trademark leadership style of “oops, guess we’ll slow things down until it’s someone else’s problem,” has occasionally restricted traffic to Newark while continuing to pretend there’s no staffing crisis.

A rep for the National Air Traffic Controllers Association — that’s the union representing these overworked, under-equipped sky shepherds — declined to comment, probably because they’re too busy panic-refreshing Indeed.com.

And what’s United’s big fix?

They want the government to reclassify Newark as a Level 3 slot-controlled airport, which is a fancy way of saying: “Can someone please stop us from scheduling 300 flights a day through a glorified parking lot with radios from 1997?”

Let’s be clear: United already operates a mind-numbing 328 flights a day from Newark, which was somehow the 14th-busiest airport in the country last year — though definitely #1 in existential despair per square foot.

This debacle comes just as United plans to add five new international flights from the very same mess of a hub — which is like putting more clowns in a flaming circus tent and hoping no one notices.

But fear not: Kirby says he had a nice chat with Transportation Secretary Sean Duffy, and they’re all very confident that the Trump administration’s plan to invest in FAA tech and infrastructure will solve this — which is adorable, because you’d think maybe reliable radar would’ve been a priority sometime between Twitter rants and flag-hugging photo ops.

Also worth noting: these cuts happen to coincide with United realizing that maybe, just maybe, air travel demand is tanking, and that the words “possible recession” might finally be catching up to the stock price fairy tale.

So there you have it.

Planes are grounded.

Towers are empty.

Controllers are out. And the nation’s skies are once again a tragicomic opera of incompetence, corporate greed, and broken radios.

Other than that, everything is fine.

In a bold new chapter of “Are You Even Kidding Right Now,” President Donald Trump has decided that Michael Waltz — the same guy who accidentally added a journalist to a top-secret Signal group chat about a military strike — should now be America’s voice to the United Nations.

Yes, that Michael Waltz. The one who effectively said “Oops, didn’t mean to include the press in our war plans.” The one under intense scrutiny for turning secure communications into a glorified WhatsApp disaster. That guy? He’s now going to explain U.S. diplomacy to the world.

Naturally, Trump broke the news in a statement posted to his own bespoke social media echo chamber, where irony goes to die:

“From his time in uniform on the battlefield, in Congress and, as my National Security Advisor, Mike Waltz has worked hard to put our Nation’s Interests first.”

Apparently, forwarding national security secrets to a reporter now qualifies as “putting our Nation’s Interests first.” Who knew?

But don’t worry — while Waltz packs for Turtle Bay, Secretary of State Marco Rubio will be moonlighting as interim National Security Adviser, because hey, what’s a little nuclear diplomacy between golf rounds? This administration is nothing if not committed to stacking critical roles like a Jenga tower made of ego and chaos.

Trump ended his post with the usual action-movie tagline:

“Together, we will continue to fight tirelessly to Make America, and the World, SAFE AGAIN.”

Ah yes — by appointing the guy who leaked strike plans to a journalist and the senator whose foreign policy plan is mostly aggressive shrugging.

In response to his totally-not-a-reward-for-failing appointment, Waltz tweeted:

“I’m deeply honored to continue my service to President Trump and our great nation.”

Because nothing says honor like almost triggering a diplomatic incident by clicking the wrong contact.

Of course, Waltz still needs to face Senate confirmation, where one can only hope someone — maybe even one with a backbone — will ask the obvious:

“How do you plan to navigate high-level diplomacy when Signal still baffles you?”

But if recent history is any guide, expect a few grandstanding speeches, a couple performative grumbles, and then a 51-49 vote to send the man who thought Signal was a group text party to go chat with Russia, China, and the rest of the world.

Because in America 2025, failing upward is the new patriotism.

If you were under the comforting illusion that your pre-packaged meat products weren’t actively trying to murder you in your own fridge, allow us to introduce this week’s dystopian deli special.

On April 29, the Food Safety and Inspection Service (FSIS) announced that Smith Packing, LLC, based in Utica, New York—a city not previously known for weaponized lunch meat—is recalling a cool 18,792 pounds of ready-to-eat sausage and sliced meats because, oops, they were seasoned with way too much sodium nitrite, a chemical best known for making red blood cells forget how to make oxygen.

Yes, that sodium nitrite — the “oh-it’s-fine-in-small-doses” yellowish-white powder often used to preserve and flavor meat. Unfortunately, when you dump in too much, it becomes the culinary equivalent of sprinkling your ham with carbon monoxide and a kiss from the Grim Reaper. At very high levels, it can literally kill you. But sure, tell us again how “flavor-enhancing” it is.

So, how did this all come to light? Well, consumers started noticing something was… off. As in: “Why does my sausage taste like a battery?” and “Why does this bologna look like it’s been embalmed?”

To their credit, Smith Packing eventually told FSIS, “Hey, about that meat we’ve been shipping out for two months… we might’ve overdone the nitrite. Like, a lot.”

According to the recall, the possibly-lethal lunch meat was produced between February 19 and April 24, 2025 — which, if you’re keeping track, is over two months of sausages marinating in potential health violations. The products were shipped all over New York State, including to institutions and retail locations. Because if there’s one place that doesn’t need a surprise respiratory collapse, it’s a school cafeteria.

And this wasn’t just one brand or one sausage gone rogue. The recall list reads like a piratical picnic menu:

• As-Salaam Beef Breakfast Sausage

• Honest John Polish Sausage (insert ironic snort here)

• Smith Packing Export Bologna

• Beefland USA Regular Beef Sausage (as if “Beefland USA” doesn’t already sound ominous)

• As-Salaam Hot Roasted Chicken Sausage Garlic (because if the nitrites don’t knock you out, the garlic might)

We asked GM… wait, no, sorry, we asked Smith Packing what went wrong here. Their response? Basically, a corporate shrug wrapped in PR plastic:

“In coordination with the USDA, Smith agreed to a recall… Approximately 90% of the product never left the warehouse.”

Translation: “Only about 10% of the death sausage made it to your kitchen, so like… relax?”

And while most of it may be off the shelves now, the FSIS issued their usual plea for Americans to dig into their refrigerators and freezers, because apparently this is our problem now.

If you’ve got any of the suspect meat, do not eat it, serve it, microwave it, or even look at it funny. Just throw it away or return it, and maybe take a moment to reflect on the fact that we’re still poisoning meat in 2025 like it’s the 1870s and Upton Sinclair hasn’t even been born yet.

Bon appétit, America.

GM Recalls 600,000 Trucks, Decides Engines Shouldn’t Randomly Explode

After issuing a recall for nearly 600,000 full-size trucks and SUVs because their engines tend to self-destruct spontaneously, General Motors is bravely stepping up to the plate with a bold, inspiring repair strategy:

“We’ll take a look and… well, we’ll see.”

That’s not satire — that’s actually what’s happening. According to GM’s recall documents, potentially defective engines will be “inspected” and then “either repaired or replaced.” That’s corporate speak for:

“We’ll shake the Magic 8 Ball and let you know if your $80,000 SUV qualifies for basic mechanical functionality.”

On April 24, GM issued its largest recall of the year, targeting a hearty 597,630 full-size trucks and SUVs from 2021 through 2024. The usual suspects: Chevy Silverado, Suburban, Tahoe, GMC Sierra, Yukon, and of course, the Cadillac Escalade, for when you want your luxury vehicle to come with a free game of “Will it Start Today?”

At the heart of this recall is the much-hyped 6.2-liter V8, an engine that can generate 420 horsepower — or, if it feels moody, zero, as it suddenly fails without warning. And we’re not talking about the occasional lemon. According to GM, there are 28,102 field complaints. Over 14,000 of those involve what’s known in polite recall language as a “loss of propulsion.” In regular English, that means:

“The engine blew up. Real good.”

And let’s not pretend this problem just popped up like a stray check engine light. GM has now completed four — yes, four — investigations in three years.

• One in early 2022

• Another in 2023

• A third wrapped up in July 2024

• And a final one launched in January 2025, after which someone finally said, “You know what? Maybe we should do something about this.”

These investigations revealed a modest 28,102 field complaints, with 14,332 of them listed as “loss of propulsion,” which is recall-ese for “your engine did blow up real good.”

And the best part? GM closed some of these investigations without action. Just let that sink in:

• Customers: “My engine failed and I nearly died.”

• GM: “Interesting. Let’s put that in a folder.”

• Customers: “It happened again.”

• GM: “Let’s open a new folder.”

One might think, after a century of building vehicles and enough engineering PhDs to populate a minor sci-fi convention, the concept of “make engine go, not explode” would be pretty well sorted out. This is crankshaft and connecting rod failure, aka the internal organs of your engine deciding to go full Jackson Pollock under the hood.

But fear not! GM says they’re working on “special diagnostic tools” to test for bearing damage. Yes — they’re still developing the tools now, in 2025, after shipping over half a million vehicles with potentially defective engines.

Because who wouldn’t want to beta test their engine scanner after the recall?

So, what changed between Investigation #3 and #4?

Good question. We asked GM directly. Their response?

“The safety and satisfaction of our customers are the highest priorities for the entire GM team…”

Translation:

“We’d rather not answer that, but here’s a generic word smoothie.”

What really happened? The NHTSA — that’s the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration for those not fluent in bureaucratic acronyms — got tired of watching GM investigate itself into a coma and opened its own investigation. And miraculously, that’s when GM suddenly remembered how to issue a recall.

And just in case your engine miraculously passes the Mystery Meat Inspection, GM has a backup solution:

They’ll swap out the oil.

That’s right — if the engine seems okay, they’ll ditch the factory-recommended 0W-20 oil and top you off with thicker 0W-40, hoping that maybe more viscous sludge will hold things together like emotional duct tape.

It’s the mechanical equivalent of saying:

“Your roof’s probably fine. We’ll just use thicker paint.”

Let’s recap this masterclass in corporate accountability:

• Multiple years of complaints ignored ✅

• Four investigations later, recall finally happens ✅

• Engines burst into flames ✅ Yes — actual fires. Flames. Burny things. The kind you hope to see in a fireplace, not under your Cadillac Escalade while picking up groceries.

• Repair strategy? “Look at it, maybe fix it, probably just add thicker oil” ✅✅✅

But hey, at least they’re doing all of this in the name of “customer satisfaction and safety.”

Nothing says “we’ve got your back” like rolling the dice on catastrophic engine failure and sending you off with an oil change.

It really makes you wonder:

If Ford can build an F-150 that can power your house, why can’t GM build a Silverado that can make it to Costco without bursting into flames?

PLANE OVERBOARD:
$60 Million Navy Jet Falls Off Aircraft Carrier. Seriously.

In a story that sounds more like a deleted scene from Top Gun: The Bloopers, a $60 million F/A-18 Super Hornet was lost at sea after falling off the USS Harry S. Truman during towing operations inside the hangar bay. Yes, you read that right — the jet fell off the aircraft carrier and is now sitting somewhere at the bottom of the Red Sea.

According to the Navy, the carrier made a hard evasive turn to avoid incoming fire from Yemen’s Houthi rebels, who claim to have launched missiles and drones at the ship. That sharp maneuver apparently caused the tow crew to lose control of the aircraft, sending both the jet and its tow tractor overboard like very expensive bathtub toys.

One sailor, who was in the cockpit as per standard towing procedure, jumped out just in time. He sustained only minor injuries. All other personnel are accounted for.

“The aircraft and tow tractor were lost overboard,” the Navy said with impressive understatement, adding that an investigation is underway.

Former Navy captain Carl Schuster explained that carriers under attack often perform “zig-zag” maneuvers — alternating sharp 30- to 40-degree turns — to throw off incoming missiles. It’s a bit like driving a semi-truck like it’s a sports car. These turns can cause the massive 100,000-ton ship to lean dramatically, which, in this case, apparently turned the hangar into a slip ’n slide.

So to recap: A U.S. warship dodged a missile, banked hard, and in the process accidentally launched one of its own fighter jets into the sea — no enemy fire required. An F/A-18 is gone, and no, they don’t float.

NYC’s First Tape Fair Proves Walkmans Are Cool Again (Seriously)

This Sunday, Bushwick’s Selva gallery hosts the first-ever NYC Tape Fair, where more than a dozen vendors will sling vintage VHS tapes, cassette albums, and enough analog nostalgia to short-circuit a Spotify server.

Why now? Because, apparently, tapes are back. Big names like Taylor Swift and Charli XCX moved tens of thousands of cassette copies last year, according to Luminate — proving there’s no sound Gen Z won’t put on magnetic ribbon.

Ted Schmiedeler, 21, former station director at Columbia’s WKCR, is hyped. “When I listen to a cassette, I can’t skip songs. I’m stuck — and that’s good,” he said, proudly admitting he bought his Walkman on eBay like a true vintage warrior.

For under $20, fair co-founder Anthony Morton promises you can score some “amazing stuff” — or at least own a piece of America’s glittery, glitchy VHS past. Morton’s bringing backup too: the Found Footage Festival gang (veterans of The Onion and The Late Show) will be selling off duplicate weirdness from their trove of videos-that-should-not-exist.

Alongside indie stores like Paradise of Replica and Captured Tracks, the fair will also feature Brooklyn’s newly rebooted Night Owl Video and some deep crate-divers with tapes older than TikTok itself.

Tapes, Schmiedeler insists, are more than a fad. They’re survival tools. WKCR still spins rare cassettes on shows like “Raag Aur Taal,” because a lot of world music simply never made it to the internet — and, honestly, it sounds better without Spotify’s “Recommended for You” guessing badly.

Prediction: Tapes will become the next aesthetic flex. Walkmans dangling from belt loops will replace iPhones. Schmiedeler’s advice?

“Get in early.”

Because nothing says cutting-edge rebellion quite like rewinding by hand with a pencil.

1. Pope Clement I (died c. 99 AD)

Where buried: Originally buried in Crimea!

He was supposedly martyred by being tied to an anchor and thrown into the sea. Early Christians recovered his body and buried it there. His relics were later moved to Rome centuries later.

2. Pope Gregory V (died 999)

Where buried: St. Peter’s Basilica, but originally, he was temporarily buried elsewhere because of political chaos in Rome. His remains were later moved when stability returned.

3. Pope Sylvester II (died 1003)

Where buried: Archbasilica of St. John Lateran in Rome, not St. Peter’s.

He was a brilliant scholar and wanted to be buried at the official Cathedral of the Pope — St. John Lateran — rather than St. Peter’s.

4. Pope Clement II (died 1047)

Where buried: Bamberg Cathedral, Germany!

He was the only Pope ever buried north of the Alps. He died while traveling in Germany and was buried there according to his wish. His tomb is still in Bamberg today.

5. Pope Pius VII (died 1823)

Where buried:
Initially buried in the Vatican, but he spent many years imprisoned by Napoleon in France, and there were fears he might die and be buried in exile — which would have been extremely controversial. (He made it back in time.)

6. Pope John Paul I (died 1978)

Where buried:
Buried deep underground in a very simple tomb in the Vatican Grottoes, as he requested. His reign was so short (only 33 days!) that his wishes for a very humble funeral were honored, in contrast to the usual grandeur.

Motorola Solves Modern Loneliness with Swarovski-Covered Earbuds That Whisper “You’re Fabulous” in 4 Different AI Voices

In a bold move to combine high-tech with high-glam, Motorola has released crystal-encrusted earbuds so sparkly they can be seen from low orbit. Designed for those who want their ears to scream, “I don’t need friends, I have accessories,” the Moto Buds Loop offer a dazzling way to listen to podcasts about minimalism while flexing maximum bling. Preloaded with AI assistants from every major tech company except Etsy, the earbuds are poised to make your ears the most emotionally intelligent part of your body.

Motorola’s strategy? Distract consumers from existential dread with fashion-forward microelectronics, because if you can’t fix your life, you can at least make your cartilage look rich.

I Sleep in Hitler’s Room: An American Jew Visits Germany (2012) by Tuvia Tenenbom is a provocative, witty, and often biting travelogue and social commentary.

The book explores modern Germany through the eyes of an outsider — a Jewish-American writer with a penchant for sharp questions, unexpected observations, and a healthy dose of irreverence.

The title I Sleep in Hitler’s Room refers to a night Tenenbom spends in a hotel that once hosted Adolf Hitler.

It serves as a metaphor for his entire experience: as a Jew wandering through a country haunted by its past, yet attempting to understand its present — unfiltered.

The first official White House Easter Egg Roll — the precursor to today’s famous Easter Egg Hunt on the South Lawn — took place on Monday, April 22, 1878, during the presidency of Rutherford B. Hayes.

Before the White House

• In the early 1800s, children in Washington, D.C. would roll Easter eggs on the sloped lawns of the U.S. Capitol.

• But in 1876, due to damage to the grounds, Congress passed a law banning the use of the Capitol grounds for such activities.

Enter the White House

• In 1878, a group of children reportedly approached President Rutherford B. Hayes directly and asked if they could roll eggs on the White House lawn.

• President Hayes said yes, and the first official White House Easter Egg Roll was born.

Evolution of the Tradition:

• Over the years, the event grew into a significant public celebration.

• Presidents and First Ladies have added their own touches — games, music, costumed characters, and even celebrity appearances.

• The White House lawn now features rolling races, egg hunts, book readings, and live entertainment.

The first documented Easter celebration dates back to the 2nd century AD. However, scholars believe that Christian communities may have been commemorating the resurrection of Jesus earlier, perhaps even in the 1st century.

Key milestones:

• Mid-2nd century (c. 150 AD): Church historian Melito of Sardis refers to the Paschal (Easter) celebration as an established Christian practice.

• Late 2nd century (c. 190 AD): Disputes arise over the date of Easter between Christians in Asia Minor (who celebrated it on the 14th of Nisan, the Jewish Passover) and those in Rome (who celebrated it on the following Sunday). This disagreement is known as the Quartodeciman controversy.

• 325 AD – Council of Nicaea: The date of Easter is standardized by the early church. The council decrees that Easter should be celebrated on the first Sunday after the first full moon following the vernal equinox, independent of the Jewish calendar.

A person who not only commissions but adores a gold bust of themselves is best described as a Gilded Self-Gazer — a rare but luminous specimen of homo vanitas.

Such an individual may be observed in their natural habitat:

• Admiring their reflection in the gleam of 24-karat cheekbones.

• Hosting candlelit unveilings of their own likeness for bemused dinner guests.

• Casually noting, “It doesn’t quite capture my aura, but it will do.”

They are part sculptor, part shrine-builder, part public relations department, and entirely convinced that their profile — preferably in gold — belongs alongside the Caesars, Napoleons, and action figures of history.

New York City is one step closer to officially legalizing jaywalking — a common, if technically illegal, practice.

On Thursday, the Department of Transportation (DOT) held a 10 a.m. public hearing, marking the final administrative step to align city rules with a law passed by the City Council in September 2024. Although the rule change isn’t yet in effect, the hearing allowed public input. The DOT will respond later, and the change will take effect 30 days after publication in the official city record.

Key Points:

• The September 2024 law decriminalized jaywalking, and Mayor Eric Adams let it become law without his signature.

• Fines of up to $250 were possible under previous rules, though enforcement was rare — only about 300 citations were issued citywide in 2024.

• The updated rules clarify that while jaywalking is no longer a punishable offense, pedestrians must still yield to vehicles when crossing outside crosswalks.

• The DOT states pedestrians can cross any road except highways, but they do not have the right of way outside marked or unmarked crosswalks.

Councilwoman Mercedes Narcisse, who represents parts of southern Brooklyn, led the push to change the law. She cited racial disparities in enforcement, noting that 90% of tickets in 2023 were issued to Black and Latino individuals.

Why It’s Called Jaywalking

• “Jay” was an insult:

In the early 1900s, “jay” was a derogatory term used to describe someone naïve, foolish, or unsophisticated, particularly in urban areas (like a country bumpkin visiting the city).

• “Jaywalker” meant someone ignorant of city traffic rules:

The term “jaywalker” emerged to describe people who crossed streets carelessly or against traffic signals, suggesting they didn’t know how to behave in the big city.

• Pushed by the auto industry:

Pedestrian deaths soared as cars became more common in the 1910s and 1920s. Car companies and pro-automobile groups started campaigns to shift the blame from drivers to pedestrians, encouraging people to stay out of the street unless they used designated crosswalks.

• Part of a PR effort:

The term “jaywalking” was popularized by automobile lobbies, traffic safety advocates, and newspapers to stigmatize people walking “wrongly” and normalize car dominance of city streets.

First Recorded Use

• The word “jaywalker” began appearing around 1915, and laws were passed shortly after to penalize pedestrians who didn’t follow new traffic rules.

Equinor Halts Empire Wind Project After U.S. Government Orders Review

Norwegian energy giant Equinor has suspended construction on its Empire Wind offshore wind farm, located off the coast of New York, following a halt-work order issued by the U.S. government.

The decision comes amid a federal review of the project’s approval process, which critics claim was rushed and lacked adequate environmental and procedural analysis.

Equinor announced Thursday that it is reviewing the order's implications and exploring legal options, including a potential appeal.

The company also assessed the impact on the project’s timeline and financial structure.

As of the end of March, Empire Wind had a gross book value of approximately $2.5 billion, with $1.5 billion already drawn from a loan facility.

If the project is canceled entirely, Equinor said it would repay the $1.5 billion to project-finance lenders and could be liable for termination fees owed to equipment suppliers and contractors.

The Bureau of Ocean Energy Management (BOEM) issued the halt-work notice Wednesday, following a directive from the U.S. Department of Interior. In a post on X (formerly Twitter), U.S. Interior Secretary Doug Burgum stated that the Empire Wind project was approved prematurely by the Biden Administration without sufficient analysis.

The review raises questions about whether proper environmental and regulatory procedures were followed during the project’s fast-tracked approval.

Empire Wind is one of the largest offshore wind projects planned along the U.S. East Coast. A joint venture between Equinor and BP, the project is intended to provide renewable electricity to more than one million New York homes once completed.

It is also considered a cornerstone of New York State’s ambitious clean energy goals and part of President Biden’s broader agenda to boost offshore wind development.

Arizona Ranch Dog Credited with Protecting Missing Toddler Found Miles from Home

A ranch dog is being hailed as a hero after helping protect a missing 2-year-old boy who wandered away from his home in rural Arizona and was found nearly seven miles away.

According to the Yavapai County Sheriff’s Office, deputies responded on April 14 to a report of a missing toddler in Seligman, a remote area located about 180 miles southeast of Las Vegas. The boy had wandered into rugged terrain surrounding his home, prompting an urgent search and rescue operation involving 40 team members.

After 16 hours of searching, the child was discovered safe in the driveway of a nearby ranch—thanks in part to an unexpected guardian: Buford, a 5-year-old Great Pyrenees/Anatolian shepherd mix belonging to rancher Scotty Dunton of Dunton Ranch in Kingman.

Dunton recalled the moment he found the boy in a video posted by the sheriff’s office. “When I was driving out the driveway, I noticed my dog sitting down by the entrance,” he said. “I look up, and the little kid’s standing there with my dog.”

The sheriff’s office praised Buford’s calm presence, suggesting the dog may have helped keep the frightened toddler safe through the night.

Officials said the child was safely reunited with his family and is doing well. The heartwarming story quickly gained attention as a testament to the protective instincts of man’s best friend.

Top Earners Shoulder the Bulk of U.S. Income Tax Burden

In a striking illustration of America’s progressive tax system, a relatively small slice of the population—those in the top 10% of earners—continues to pay a disproportionately large share of federal income taxes.

As of 2024, only 13.1 million households qualified as top earners, roughly 10% of the nation’s 131 million total households. To make the cut, a household needed to earn at least $234,769 annually, while individual filers required a minimum income of around $150,000.

While the top 10% comprises a modest portion of American households, their economic influence is substantial. Members of this income bracket earn significantly more than the average U.S. worker and pay a significant share of total federal income taxes. According to recent tax data, the top 10% is responsible for over 70% of all federal income taxes collected.

The wealth and tax responsibility of the top 1% are even more concentrated. As of 2022, this elite group included just 1.31 million households and 1.78 million individual workers.

The income threshold for entry was steep—around $787,712 annually—and significantly higher in affluent states like California, Connecticut, and Massachusetts, where it exceeded $1 million. In contrast, states with lower living costs, like West Virginia, had thresholds closer to $420,000.

THE BINDER DOCTRINE:
Whitmer’s Surprise Cameo in Trump’s Oval Office Reality Show

In a moment sure to be archived under “Nope, not today”, Michigan Governor Gretchen Whitmer inadvertently pioneered a new political survival tactic: The Binder Shield—the ancient art of blocking your face with office supplies when caught in the wilds of an unscheduled Oval Office press conference.

The presumed 2028 presidential hopeful had come to D.C. to talk about boring, important things like Michigan’s ice storms and tariffs. But before she could say “Great Lakes,” she was whisked into the Trump Show, Season ∞, Episode “Let’s Sign Some Orders and Blame the Deep State.”

There she stood—“glumly,” as the New York Times kindly put it—while the former president monologued like a man who thinks executive orders are collectible baseball cards. Cameras flashed. Whitmer flinched. Then came the moment: face half-obscured by binders, she stared into the middle distance like someone stuck in an elevator with a karaoke machine playing YMCA on loop.

Her team moved faster than a campaign intern at free pizza hour. “The governor was surprised to be brought into the Oval Office without notice,” her spokesperson told CNN, “and her presence is not an endorsement of… well, any of it.”

Trump, of course, took the chance to praise Whitmer as a “very good person” and a “great governor” from the “great state of Michigan.” This is interesting, considering just a few years ago, he publicly lambasted her as “that woman” who dared to blame the federal government during a pandemic—and who was later the target of a literal kidnapping plot by people who took his rhetoric a little too seriously.

Speaking later at a college in Michigan, Whitmer offered a polite-but-pointed “hard pass” on the whole ordeal. “Not my scene, not my script, not where I wanted to be,” she said. “But I stayed in the room to advocate for Michigan. That’s the job.”

Meanwhile, critics—primarily online but increasingly meme-equipped—focused less on policy and more on her well-timed Binder Shield technique. One tweet read, “That’s not just a binder; that’s emotional armour.”

Gefilte Fish:
A ball of ground fish, onions, and matzah meal poached into a taste that only a Jewish mother could love.
Served cold, with horseradish that could dissolve enamel, and often the subject of domestic feuds.
Chilled, poached, and perplexing. Comes with horseradish that could wake the dead. Warning: bones may still be emotionally present.

Kugel:
A casserole made of noodles, potatoes, or whatever survived the Depression. It's usually sweet, but it may contain surprise onions.

“The last time I was at Katz’s Deli, I asked for the truth. They gave me chopped liver.”

Kinsh:
A meal wrapped in a mystery inside a carbohydrate.
Potato, kasha, and one mystery flavor. Lightly baked, heavily judged.

“A shlemiel spills his soup on the schlimazel. And the nudnik is the one who won’t stop talking about it.”

Borscht :
Served with sour cream and existential confusion. Pairs well with memories of your grandmother shouting at beet stains.

“A shlemiel spills his soup on the schlimazel. And the nudnik is the one who won’t stop talking about it.”

Borscht :
Served with sour cream and existential confusion. Pairs well with memories of your grandmother shouting at beet stains.

“My parents didn’t want to waste money on psychotherapy, so they sent me to a deli. Same emotional support, better pastrami.”

Stuffed Cabbage:
Beef, rice, and regret wrapped in boiled cabbage leaves. It smells like Tuesday at Aunt Ida’s and lingers like her opinions.

Mandelbrot:
Jewish biscotti. Twice-baked, three times ignored. May chip a filling.

Water flow regulations for showers in the United States are primarily set by the U.S. Department of Energy (DOE) and the Environmental Protection Agency (EPA) to conserve water and energy. These regulations limit the maximum flow rate of showerheads sold and installed in the country.

Here’s a breakdown of the key rules and standards:

 1. Federal Showerhead Flow Standard

• Established: 1992 under the Energy Policy Act

• Maximum Flow Rate: 2.5 gallons per minute (gpm) at 80 psi (pounds per square inch) of water pressure

• Applies to all showerheads manufactured and sold in the U.S.

2. EPA WaterSense Standard (Voluntary)

• Launched: 2006

• Maximum Flow Rate: 2.0 gpm

• Must maintain good pressure and spray quality

• Showerheads that meet this standard carry the WaterSense label, meaning they are both efficient and effective

• Voluntary but widely adopted by states, municipalities, and building codes

3. State-Specific Regulations (Stricter in Some States)

Some states have gone further than the federal rule to encourage conservation:

California

• Current standard: 1.8 gpm

• Enacted during severe drought conditions and is now permanent

• Applies to showerheads sold or installed in the state

Washington

• Adopted 1.8 gpm standard, similar to California

New York

• Follows federal standard (2.5 gpm), but some city buildings (like in NYC) install low-flow heads for savings

Colorado, Hawaii, Vermont, and Oregon

• Also have adopted 2.0 gpm or 1.8 gpm max flow standards

4. Multi-Head Showers

• A 2010 federal clarification states that combined flow from all active heads in a multi-head system must not exceed 2.5 gpm unless each head is controlled separately.

5. Exemptions and Modifications

• Older homes may still have higher-flow heads unless updated

• Some commercial or institutional uses (like gyms or hotels) may have customized plumbing allowances but still must follow sale/manufacture restrictions

Why It Matters:

• Reducing flow from 2.5 to 2.0 gpm can save thousands of gallons of water per year

• Also reduces energy costs (less hot water used)

• EPA estimates households can save up to $70 per year just by switching to a WaterSense-certified showerhead

• the US allows a higher maximum flow than most other developed countries.

• Canada, Australia, and Singapore have stricter limits, often between 6–9 L/min.

• European countries generally don’t have mandatory flow restrictions yet, but eco-certifications (like BREEAM or LEED) push for more efficient fixtures.

• Water-scarce nations (e.g., South Africa, Israel, and parts of Australia) tend to enforce lower limits and strict conservation practices.

Madrid Restaurant Shut Down for Serving Street Pigeons as “Duck”

A Chinese restaurant in Madrid’s Usera district has been shut down after police discovered it was serving street pigeons disguised as roast duck.

During a late March raid on the Jin Gu restaurant, authorities found plucked pigeons, questionable meat, and illegally obtained sea creatures in a hidden, cockroach-infested storeroom. Police believe the pigeons were caught locally and prepared in the kitchen without proper documentation.

“It’s not illegal to breed pigeons in Spain, but there was no paperwork—so we’re confident they were taken from the streets,” according to a police spokesman.

Behind a sliding shelf in a filthy bathroom, officers uncovered a concealed room where defrosted meat strips were drying on a clothes rack. Eight broken freezers were crammed with untraceable meat, fish, and possibly banned sea cucumbers. Bags of bivalve mollusks believed to come from Asian wetlands were also found, along with rat traps baited with rotting meat.

Police said the hidden room contained over a ton of illegal food products.

Though open for over ten years and with some positive online reviews, the restaurant has also drawn complaints of strange-tasting ducks and poor hygiene. One review warned of “terrible food” and an unclean kitchen, while another claimed family members became ill after eating there.

The unnamed owner is under investigation for public health violations and trafficking in protected species.